The Ripple Effect of Looking Good
Every so often with my life coaching clients, I enjoy setting goals that, in some sort or another, are about getting the “outside” to match the “inside.” I’m not positive, but I think I may have inadvertently borrowed that wording from the hosts of one of my favorite television shows - TLC’s What Not to Wear
So, I figure, if I’m going to delve into the topic, why not go to the source?
Enter Stacy London, a sharp-witted stylist with a do-good bent, and the co-host with Clinton Kelly of the popular makeover show. I suggested to London in our recent interview that, with spring easing in, it sets the mood nicely for talking about taking stock of our “outside.” She agreed. But take heed: This discussion is not about yellow being the hot color for spring or your hips being too wide to pull off a pencil skirt; it’s about how looking good can impact your life.
“You ca not underestimate the power of feeling good, of looking good,” London said.
While some might concur, a common perception is that putting your focus on fashion is superficial. London has heard it, and disagreed, countless times. With over 200 What Not to Wear shows under her belt, she has learned to “separate the individual from the industry.” London and Kelly and the What Not to Wear staff go to great lengths to get to know the people who come on the show and they tailor the clothing decisions to fit each specific situation. By keeping in touch with the participants, all of whom get her email address after they’ve been on the show, London knows the transformation from their five-day makeover ripples into other aspects of their lives.
“It’s a starting point,” London said. “It makes them think, ‘What else is possible in my life? Maybe the next thing I want to do is not so hard because I know who I am.’”
It is that kind of insight that lends credence to London’s comment at one point in our interview that what she does is sort of like life coaching. She is keenly aware that sometimes people lose themselves in their life plan. For her, a very natural, quick way to help them find themselves again is through style.
Time and again, viewers of the show watch a person (usually an woman who has been nominated by someone who loves her) go from frumpy or slutty or outdated in her look to polished and age appropriate and fashion forward. At the end of the show, or the “reveal,” her loved ones are assembled so she can show off her new look. Almost always, the comments from stunned significant others, friends and family members are about how confidently the woman holds herself now or how her true essence has been brought out.
Clearly there is more to this than the clothes.
While London spent 14 months as a fashion editor and loved the creative process of styling shoots, she found it was not as rewarding as “working with real people.” A self-described fashion or style translator, London excels at her current work not just because she knows what cut looks good on what body type, but because she sees the big picture and because she’s a thinker. A graduate of Vassar College with a double degree in 20th-century philosophy and German literature, she has spoken at Harvard on the connection between building self-esteem and personal style.
“We are in a modern-day time of crisis,” London said, referring to women in the age 30-50 range who feel pressured to be the perfect mother and the perfect wife, to have a social life, to run a household, to work outside the home, and who feel like there are not enough hours in a day. “They’ve given up. They have too a lot of things on their plate. They’re off their priority list.”
Bringing in another dimension, she points to an article in the April issue of Bazaar that talks about the stigma attached to women who are childless by choice. Anamaria Wilson writes, “A very precise, smug mummy syndrome has emerged, leaving nonmoms vying for credibility in its Vuitton-diaper-bag wake.”
“Who can live with that kind of pressure?” London asks. “Men are not asked to make that choice.”
Adding yet another dimension to the discussion, London said she recently appeared at an event with acclaimed spiritual author and lecturer Marianne Williamson, who said middle age will be 50-80 soon. This really hit a chord with London.
“Our life spans are longer and longer,” said London. “What are women supposed to do with this extra time?”
Finding their personal style is a start. London admits to having had her own crisis of self-esteem and so she has a kind of radar and empathy for women who doubt themselves. The gift she brings is making them aware of what an “exterior” makeover can do for their entire self.
“You can look the part of the strong successful woman, whether at the playground or the office,” London said. “Why give off the impression you ca not manage everything? Fashion is the easiest remedy.”
Easiest perhaps because it is less time-consuming and more fun than, say, a good diet and exercise regime. While London obviously supports the latter, she knows sometimes “it feels punishing.” Style can be appealing because it works with what you have now. There’s some instant gratification in it.
“You can do any trend if you filter it through these three parts: body type, age, lifestyle,” she said.
London’s excitement when the three come together make her compelling to watch. She is genuinely thrilled when she sees what she calls “the flicker” in someone who had no idea she had the potential to look that good. On one show, an aspiring young journalist came out of the dressing room in an dazzling dress and London could not contain herself — “Well, bonjour and hello!” A definite flicker.
In that same issue of Bazaar that London recommended, I came across a profile of the actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who says of her classic, body-conscious look, “I only figured out my whole look in my 40s. Some people are born with style. I was not one of those people.”
Of course the people London and Kelly help on What Not to Wear are a less famous version of that story. On the day I spoke to London, they had just surprised an woman who wore sparkly eye shadow and fairy wings as an accessory. There was a part of London that felt badly about stepping in to stifle a free spirit, but she also realized this aspiring actress might be stifling herself.
“We pointed out to her that she’s pigeonholing herself in this look,” London said. “At auditions, they probably ca not see beyond the fairy role.”
This brought to mind for London being in 10th grade and almost failing out of high school. Her father told her if she did not get her act together she’d have to live at home for college — meaning New York University, because he worked there. That idea was not appealing to the teen-aged London. The lesson?
“Keep your opportunities open, do not pigeonhole yourself,” London said.
In fact, the What Not to Wear show that aired last Friday night was a perfect example of how this philosophy evolved in one participant. While the credits rolled and Joy from Austin, Texas, modeled her new wardrobe, here’s what she said in the voiceover: “This has changed my life. I’m excited for the future. I feel like I could conquer the world right now.”
No joke. She’s well on her way. She contacted London afterward and told her she got a new job and that she attributed it to her experience on the show.
“This is it for me,” London said.
“You saw what was inside of me,” Joy said at one point.
Beauty and potential, inside matching out.
Nancy Colasurdo is an practicing life coach and freelance writer. Her Web site is www.nancola.com. Please direct all questions/comments to FOXGamePlan@gmail.com.
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